Every time I try to do more than exist it seems I sabotage myself. I cannot seem to pull it all together. Existing is easy, living is hard, and yet that seems all I can do.

Recent and distant past seem to be melting together as I repeat myself over and over, each failure more spectacular than the last.

It seems that sexual tension is a non-issue when you are not talking to the object of your desire.  I had grand plans, but I think it is futile now.

Existing is easy, I have been doing that for a very long time. Living is hard, I can't remember ever doing that...

Why?

I love you, don't want you to change, but I can't stand a fundamental part of you.

So I walk away,
Let it go,
Try to move on,
And pretend it doesn't hurt,

But it does,
And I cry,
And pretend.